put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
