There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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