so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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