Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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