youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
