You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
well you can't waste a boner
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you win again, gameday.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
