if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
