the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
