Tell her she can't have a vagina
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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