How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
