if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
