he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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