just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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