listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
