I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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