yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
