That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize