I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
