I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize