Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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