do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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