You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize