Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
