your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
