You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize