I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
