im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
