the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize