You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
