i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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