all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
