i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
