ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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