just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
