im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So apparently I’m into choking now
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