Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
