I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
