I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm too high and old for this...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
