it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
