My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
