Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
