Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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