Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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