I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
