I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
