I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
