Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
