I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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