Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
