I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
