Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
