I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
