So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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