My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
