It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
