just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
