So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize