i don't like sucking hair
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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