If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
