I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
