Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize