So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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