The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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