i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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