Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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