I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize