my shit smells like andre
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
