You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
