Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
