i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
