when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
home. puking in laundry basket.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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