You're completely useless in the revolution.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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