Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
