i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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