so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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