Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
