I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She's the barista slut.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
