Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize