My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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