all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
