I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
