i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
