Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It's official drugs can't kill me
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
