that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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