we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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