She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
