I just made out with a guy for $7.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
