Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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