The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
