I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Randomize
