I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
