he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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