i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize