Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
this beer tastes like vomit already
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
