fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
