conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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