im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
