I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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