Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
