I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
wow bdsm is so cute
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