hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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