My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
